Hope Chest
by Lachdannen
Summary: In the aftermath of the Reaper War, as the Reapers are reprogrammed to repair and protect the races of the galaxy, Kasumi deals with the lose of the John Shepard, the man she fell in love with, and lost. Aria's Afterlife Entry of the September Writing Competition.


Bullets screamed past her head, shredding into the sparse cover Kasumi hid behind. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the rest of the team slam down into cover anywhere they could find it.

"Well, this is about to get interesting!" shouted Garrus from somewhere nearby, even as the ground team from the _Normandy_ began to return fire.

Kasumi peeked outand pulled the trigger, her SMG chattering out a short hail of bullets at one of the reaper foot soldiers. Next to her, John leaned over, his rifle mirroring her burst in a thunderous roar, as the Revenant ripped his target to shreds before he ducked back down.

"Kaidan, Vega, flank right!" John shouted. "Coates, Liara, go left. Both teams, wait for my signal. Everyone else, hold!

Shouts of acknowledgement reached their ears, and the reduced number from the small team began popping up in irregular intervals, cutting down waves of reaper soldiers as they tried to close.

"That is a lot of husks, John!" she shouted over the roar of the Revenant.

"Just have to hold a minute more," he said shortly as he sighted down the weapon, ending another of the reaper's abominations. He glanced over at her, a quick grin that lit up his features in an almost boyish manner.

"You are insane, you know that?" she shouted at him.

"What can I say, I fell in love with you!" he shouted back. John peeked back over the cover. "Alright, flanking teams, hit them!"

Kasumi watched as the biotic hammer blows rained down, detonating against each other in brilliant bursts of blue and indigo energy. Someone, probably Vega, added grenades to the pile, accenting the blue with bursts or fiery orange. Debris rained down around them.

"Push forward!" John shouted. He vaulted over the small rubble pile, sprinting ahead and she struggled to keep up with the mad rush he lead them on. Bare moments later, they crested the rise, looking down at the long run to the beam. Kasumi heard Admiral Anderson say something, but it was lost as she looked and that _sound_ roared across miles of ruined London, a huge _Sovereign - _class reaper slamming down with an impact that nearly took them all from their feet, and a bellowed roar that grated across the mind, body, and soul.

"Everyone go, go!" John words galvanized them all, and as a wave the surviving forces from Hammer, including the _Normandy_'s elite ground team, began to rush the beam.

She knew it was coming, they all did. The destroyer had been bad enough, carving huge swathes of annihilation among the ranks of Hammer as they attacked. This was worse. The thing's ocular cannon simply tore across the front ranks, vaporizing men and women, shattering vehicles in a blaze of red death. Kasumi started forward just as the tank -ten meters in front of her- exploded in a haze of shrapnel.

Pain flooded through her as the metal hail struck her, piercing her body armor and flinging her down in a stunned heap. She heard people speaking but it took several long moments for her to process them into words.

"Garrus! Take her!"

Kasumi gasped, the pain sending her vision into a swiftly darkening tunnel as someone lifted her, and pressed her into the arms of another armored figure. Her head swam, as she grasped at John. "No … I can do this," she gasped out. "We said we would do this together. Don't leave me."

He held her face a moment, pain in his eyes. "This isn't goodbye. I'm coming back." He looked up at the one holding her. "Get out of here. Shuttles are coming down. Keep her safe."

"Don't leave me behind, Shepard!"

"Don't argue with me, Garrus!" John snapped as he grabbed the collar of Garrus's armor. "Get her out of here. I need her safe, and you are the only one I could trust to do it. Damn it, go!"

Kasumi flinched as the turian turned, carrying her away from the man who had become so important to her in such a short time. She turned, looking over his shoulder as John, watched her for a second before bounding away, towards the beam ….

Kasumi bolted up in bed, panting. The dream had been so vivid that it wrenched at her mind, making her want to scream in frustration. . She shook as she put her head in her hands, just trying to breathe slowly.

* * *

_One of these days, I'm going to put spiders in your bed, Miranda, you Ice Queen,_ Kasumi thought bitterly as she walked. _Spiders. In her bed. In her shower. That would make my day._

Miranda had worked her way into being in charge of some of the rebuilding of Earth-and Kasumi, owing to her particular skill set for finding and acquiring hard to find tech-had been Lawson's personal goffer. It paid well, and it kept her busy, but she had limits on how much frostbite she would take before she bit back.

She stepped out of the skycab, looking around at the docks, and froze.

_It was right here._

The Keepers and the repair crews had restored the platform completely. This whole section had practically destroyed during the battle over Earth. But now? Pristine. Not a single sign that it had been damaged at all. For whatever reason, the Keepers had focused on repairing this dock section before any others.

She looked around, her eyes settling on the perfect replica of the unit that she had used to first contact Shepard.

She approached the sales kiosk, her steps slow and deliberate, one hand reaching up to touch it. The kiosk hissed, a constant slow white and grey static on the display. Despite being repaired, almost none were really in use yet. Most of the Citadel wasn't in use yet, and almost no stores had been re-established. She looked up at the walkway, five meters up where she had been standing when she and John had first met. She could still see it, nearly two years later, the strength in him, the fire the inspired others to simply _be better_.

Something flickered at the corner of her sight, dancing across the display just under where her hand rested. She jerked her gloved hand away to see what it was, what image had been hidden just under her fingers. For just a moment, she would have sworn...no. It couldn't have been a hand. It was just a sales kiosk. An inactive sales kiosk.

She started to walk away, a shiver running over her as she did, a tingling cold that wouldn't leave her spine.

"Kasumi."

She spun, searching for the voice. It had been garbled, but she _knew _it. She had heard her name uttered just that way, just that inflection, and for a moment she dared to hope. He had always beaten the odds, triumphed where others had failed. Maybe?

The kiosk murmured its dull static, as her heart slowly fell. He wasn't here. _You are going crazy now, Goto. He's gone. _

Kasumi spun away, shutting her eyes against the tears that threatened to escape, as she hurried to go catch her shuttle down to London.

* * *

London's rain swept down on her as she left the spaceport and started to walk to the apartment that she called home. Normally she'd take a cab, especially in the rain like this, but she felt drawn to make a detour she normally avoided.

The rain and mist reduced the world she walked in to a greyed-out twilight, dulling the colors and damping the sounds of the city around her as she passed. That suited her perfectly. She didn't want to be connected to anything right now.

It took her ten minutes to reach her destination, a small plaza that marked the spot-almost to the exact meter where he had left her, injured in his break for the Citadel. She looked around the misty plaza. She had only come here twice, once in a mad rush during the battle of Earth, and the afternoon they unveiled the monument.

Liara had made her come to the memorial when they unveiled it, but she had barely stayed more than ten minutes after the unveiling was done. The pain was just too close, too raw, and even with the crew of the _Normandy_, Kasumi couldn't force herself to open up for more than a moment to any of them.

Now, she looked across the memorial. It still captured his defiance in perfect clarity, but in the grey drizzle, the bronze and silver metal of Commander Shepard's form seemed dulled by the weather. Fitting really, considering her last few memories of him. Battered and dented, but not broken. Tarnished but still precious. The statue was only half of the memorial, though. Immediately in front of it, at the statue's base, stood the holographic representation of Commander John Shepard, in his full N7 armor. The ghostly memory of John stood tall and proud attention.

Tali had told her that someone had repurposed a Shepard VI for the memorial. The memory brought a little spark of cheer to her: He had hated the VI, and she had made it a personal mission to find one and sneak it to where he would find it as often as she could. She even managed to steal one and load it into the _Normandy_'s communication banks. John had been greeted by his own voice for weeks before he convinced Traynor and EDI to finally get rid of it.

Now, the same VI that had driven him to exasperation stood a silent sentinel to the last spot anyone would see him on Earth.

Kasumi stopped just a foot or two from the memorial and stared up into his eyes, and felt the tears she had been fighting before well up again. She brushed her hand across her face, embarrassed and angry and ... hurt.

_God it hurts so much …. Why? Why! _

She slapped her hand against the stone of the statues base. "Why! Why did you leave me behind?" She yanked her hood back, her dark hair spilling loose as she looked up at the statue. Tears mixed with the rain as the sky seemed to pour out her grief. "I should never have let you go alone. I was supposed to be with you!" she shouted at the statue as she sank to her knees, leaning her head against the cold stone. Rain soaked her clothing, the cold reaching into her bones, numbing her as her emotions started to match her body. She pushed away from the statue, turning to stand. She spared one last look at the hologram as it turned to face her, its hand reaching out for her.

_No. It can't have moved it. It's not supposed to move._

She stared at it, blinking, rubbing at her eyes trying to clear them. Had the hologram moved? Had she imagined it looking down at her, it extending one hand to her?

_Am I actually going crazy?_

* * *

Kasumi blinked as she woke up the next day, still in bed nearly four hours after the time her alarm normally woke her. She had left Miranda a message that she wouldn't be available for few days, and then had promptly disconnected her omni-tool from the extranet. She smirked a little bit. She had also modified the building codes so that her doorbell would ring randomly for every other apartment except for hers. She would fix it later of course, but for now it meant that anyone that came to find her should be thwarted quite nicely.

_Not that the Miranda would, but I suppose it's possible her cold frozen heart might actually thaw a tiny bit. _

She sat up slowly. Sunlight, sunlight streaming through the window, though that would likely change soon.

_It always rains in London. That will change. _

Just sitting up seemed like a strain today though, every motion an effort just to complete. But she could stay here all day.

Twenty minutes later she was up and dressed, a cup of strong black coffee in her hand as she leaned against the counter, her eyes closed. She held it in both hands, just taking in the aroma, letting her memory drift a bit.

The coffee on the _Normandy_ had actually been good. She had snuck down there the morning after Tali's trial, her own little personal stash having run out the previous day and it simply wasn't a morning without coffee. It was a ritual practically, and if she had to suffer through a brew that was so bad that it wasn't deserving of the name, so be it.

Except it hadn't been terrible. John apparently had more than a mild addiction when it came to his coffee selection, and had squirrelled away enough of the grounds to keep the crew of the _Normandy_ rationed on his private stash for months. John had found her, her mouth agape at the hoard he had sequestered there. His laughter caused her to start in surprise. John didn't sneak up on people. He crashed _through_ them. It was embarrassing as hell to have him sneak up on her, the master thief.

The vid screen in the other room popped to life, and she jolted out of her moment of reverie, and she peeked out around the corner at it. She frowned. The vidscreen was brand new, still had some of the protective wrapping on it. Was it defective or something?

She left her cup of coffee forgotten on the counter as she padded silently into the other room, raising her omni-tool to scan the malfunctioning device. Nothing. She scowled, and started checking the connections, both physical and wireless, one by one. Still nothing. No commands going to it that would explain why it had come online. No incoming signals had activated it. It didn't make sense. And why was it just displaying static? There should be at least a channel, a vid, a show, something. But it was just … grey. And … moving?

_What …._

She backed away as the static coalesced into an image, shifting around and warping. The sound was worse, grating on her nerves and her psyche in the same instant. A screech she hadn't been heard since the war: the howl of an enraged reaper.

Kasumi screamed, grabbing her ears. The horribly pained sound stirred memories better left forgotten. Kasumi staggered back, tripping over a piece of furniture. She scrambled back to her feet, running for her room, sealing the door behind her against the sound that still screeched through the apartment. Her memory played in vivid flashed, the sounds piercing through her heart as she relived their last moments.

She fought free of the memory, looking around her room, desperation in every movement. Her eyes finally locking onto the chest at the foot of her bed, she scrambled to it, frantically yanking it open. Her hands dipping and searching for the small device and its electronic leads. She felt her hand wrap around the form of the greybox. It had been Keiji's, but she had long ago removed most all of the data from it. It should be enough to give her a bit of peace for a bit, letting her dive into her own memories at least, and stop the nightmares.

Her hands were shaking so much she barely could put the leads in place. She clicked it on. All of her perception of the room faded, dimmed to the point they might as well not even be there and she sighed with relief at the blissful silence of her own mind. She rested there, just … letting the silence encompass and surround her for a several long deep breaths, before she focused, and began to call up a memory, something simple, somethi-

A lightning bolt of searing agony tore through her head and mind, tearing the breath from her in a startled, choked cry. It hit her again, and again, and again, as the greybox malfunctioned. The shock sent her to floor, a sensation of falling she was barely able to register through the hammer blows of blinding pain. She screamed till her voice was gone as the greybox's connection splintered, and the world drifted to blackness, hauling her down with it.

* * *

She woke to the beeping of a heart monitor. It took her a moment to figure out how to open her eyes, like everything required all of her concentration to do simple tasks. A pair of voices echoed from the hall.

"What do you mean, it came back clean? There has to be some explanation," said one voice, soft but heated, frustration evident in the tone.

"I am telling you Liara, I checked it myself when they came back negative. There was nothing wrong with it to explain the overload. No outside inputs, nothing," said a man's voice whispered.

"There has to be something, Kaidan. Are you sure? You didn't miss something?

"Give me a little credit," Kaidan said, his voice carrying a tinge of offense. "I ran every scan I could, everything came up clean. The grey box was in perfect working order."

Kasumi turned her head, focusing on the vague shape of her friends and former teammates.

"I think she's waking up," Kaidan said, as both him and Liara approached, becoming clearer as they walked to the bedside. Liara took her hand, squeezing just barely. Kasumi winced, the simple pressure feeling like her nerves in her hand were on fire. The asari saw immediately what she had done, and withdrew quickly. "Oh … I'm sorry, I didn't think."

"It's alright ..." Kasumi croaked out. Her voice was raw, and barely sounded liked her. "Wha ... what happened?"

"We were hoping you could tell us. We don't know." Liara said slowly. "Emergency services received a call that you needed immediate medical attention. The command overrode all the normal protocols. They got here … and the doors to your apartment were already open."

"Not … possible. I had locked them. Scrambled … the codes." Every breath was a new agony, but she kept going. "No one … no one could have known."

Kaidan leaned on the bed as he spoke, "Someone did. And good thing too. Whatever happened to the greybox, it could have killed you. We almost lost you."

Everyone was quiet for a moment as she digested Kaidan's words.

"How bad?"

Neither of them answered her for a long moment, but just looking at her and then meeting each other's eyes. Liara finally spoke. "We don't know yet. You have been out for three days. We ... weren't sure you were going to wake up for a while. The greybox overloaded your nervous system, it's why everything probably hurts like it does. "

Kasumi slowly pulled herself up a bit into a more comfortable position. "I will be fine ... I always am. "

Liara looked and Kaidan. "Would you give us a minute?"

He frowned, but nodded. "Get better, Goto."

"Thanks, K."

Liara waited till until the door closed before she turned back to Kasumi. "Did you do it on purpose?"

Kasumi just stared at her. "Do it on purpose? What are you talking about?"

Liara returned the stare with her own, worry etched on her face. "I know you have been struggling with his death. I saw the video of you at the memorial the other night, in the rain. I know you are hurting, we all can see it. Even Garrus was asking about you."

Kasumi half-laughed and half-sobbed at that. "Garrus? He hates me. He hates me for being the reason he stayed behind." The words were bitter ash in her mouth. "He blames me. And he has every right to."

Liara's eyes widened at that. "Don't talk li-"

The lights in the room went out and Liara's sentence was cut of by a little gasp of surprise. The monitor next to the bed flickered back to life and Kasumi recoiled, headless of the pain from the now familiar grey static.

"No, no, no, no, not again ..." She grabbed Liara's hand, squeezing. It hurt, but the pain gave her a point to focus on. "I'm not crazy. I'm _not_ crazy."

The static on the screen shifted, condensing slowly into words that made her stomach drop out of from under her.

**Not your fault.**

It was only there for a moment, and then the lights in the room kicked on, the monitor flashed, and the message vanished. Kasumi closed her eyes, focusing on the pain from her death grip on Liara's hand. "I am not crazy. I am _not_, crazy."

"N-no. You aren't."

Kasumi looked up at the asari maiden as the words registered "You - you saw that. It wasn't just me?"

"I ... Yes. I saw."

If she could have hugged her, she would have, but suddenly all the fight drained out of her. "I thought I was losing it. That was why I turned on the greybox. I just wanted to hide for a while."

"You aren't...whatever that was, you aren't losing it," said Liara. She looked a great deal paler than she had moments before. Kasumi shut her eyes, drifting off to sleep.

* * *

Three days later, Kasumi stared at the greybox again. She hadn't put it on again, at least not yet. She had been released from the hospital the day before. Liara and Kaidan had vowed to try and find out what was going on, but little part of her already knew, or thought she did.

Her door chimed, and she braced herself for one hell of an argument. Kasumi needed her help to or there was no way this could work. She touched the controls, and the door hissed opened to reveal perhaps the most well-known quarian in the galaxy.

"Hey Tali ... I need to ask a favor ..."

* * *

"This is insane. If any of the others find out I'm helping you with this, they might actually kill me."

"They will not. You are too adorable to die," Kasumi shot back. She felt more like her old self than she had in weeks.

"Riiiight. I think Grunt might disagree," Tali drawled the word out slowly. "Alright, I'm set here. Are you sure there is no way I can talk you out of this?"

"No way. I'll do it without you if I have to. I have to know."

"Alright." Tali stepped next to the couch and gently applied the now modified greybox's electrodes to Kasumi's temples. "If something even looks like it's going wrong, I am pulling the plug though."

"I understand." Kasumi laid back, looking at Tali as she walked to the console.

"Alright. Beginning sequence. "

The greybox's familiar silence stole the few sounds from the room, dimming her surroundings again. Part of her tensed, remembering the horrible pain she had been dealt just a few days prior.

It didn't come.

The world instead moved from nearly inky blackness, and slowly, steadily, began to lightening, becoming a thick, grey mist.

_Nothing for it. God, I hope I'm not wrong._

"John? John can you hear me?" she called into the grey. It seemed to swallow her words. "John, please can you hear me? Are you there?"

Only silence greeted her. She shut her eyes and preparing to send her mind back away from the greyboxe's input. Maybe it was time to let the past just rest.

"I'm sorry."

Kasumi froze and slowly turned and ... there he was. Jonathan Shepard, Hero of the Citadel. Spectre. Her John. She leapt toward him, her hands taking hold of his.

"Don't, Shep. Nothing to be sorry for," she whispered.

"I tried to come back. I tried." The pain in his voice was heartbreaking, and she put her hand to his lips, silencing him.

"You did come back. You just needed a little help."

* * *

_**Author Note:** Thank you to everyone who suffered with me on writing this and listened to my ranting. Writing upset Kasumi is hard. x.x_

_Special thanks to: Amiee Lee Krios and Palaven Blues for helping turn my horrible grammar, sentence structure and punctuation (god, the speech tags...*facepalm*) into something readable. Thanks to Bronzedamazon for helping me re-order things to give it better perspective as well since. You guys are the best!_


End file.
